Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My Journey...

Today I headed out on a journey. By myself, no one with me. Just me, alone.

I have never actually really traveled alone before. I was with Tony since the age of 24 and now, at 41, maybe it is high time I learned how. I am very shy at heart and can feel very awkward around strangers and the thought of traveling alone is quite scary for me. Even the first time I went to a movie alone a few months ago was a big step for me.

Here is how this all happened, a few months ago I was invited to attend a dinner at the US Navy Memorial in Washington, DC. Tony and I had often attended this dinner in the past and I really wanted to go to represent Tony with his friends at the Memorial. At the time we made the plans to attend, my regular traveling companions were going to go with me. But, as the time grew shorter, they both realized that they would not be able to travel. I had a choice- cancel my attendance at the dinner, or take a huge step, and go alone.

Tony was a longtime supporter of the Navy Memorial and had been honored there multiple times. I felt it was my duty to continue his support, so I had made a donation in his name and RSVP'ed. I couldn't really back out now- the day before I was scheduled to depart.

So, early this morning, as Tony would say, I climbed into the "belly of the big iron bird" and flew to DC. As I have done all of his past year whenever I traveled, I cried in the airplane. Traveling now makes me miss Tony very much- after all, we traveled the world together. But, in an attempt to not be the weird crying girl in the plane and make my seat mates extremely uncomfortable, I took deep breaths and tried to encourage myself to be strong and to be excited about my adventure ahead. With Tony's one year anniversary of his passing fast approaching at the end of the month, I have been feeling extremely depressed and having a very difficult time.

It is an adventure because I actually am not just attending the dinner and then flying home- I have also rented a car and am going to spend a few days seeing the sights. I LOVE history and am planning to drive from DC to visit historic spots.

After all I have gone through in the past year, especially the past few weeks, I think it is time for me to find out who Jill Curtis really is. Not as the wife, or widow, of a Hollywood Icon- but as a 41 year old woman who is now on her own. I no longer have the protection of my husband, who was beloved wherever he went.

What do I want my life to be? How do I honor Tony and yet move ahead with the second half of my life? What will my life be like now? I need to spend some time alone and away to try to figure it all out.

So, I will be blogging from the road for a few days and I will be learning about myself. And, I think I have a lot to learn! Maybe together, we can all learn to step out of our comfort zones and keep on moving forward in our lives...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

13 comments:

Her Name Is Lola said...

Try Hershey Pennsylvania! It is very near Gettysburg and even the air in Hershey smells like chocolate. Plus chocolate helps with cracks in the heart (at least momentarily). Safe travels on your new adventure!

redhorse said...

have a pleasant and safe journey.

Anonymous said...

Good for u Jill Curtis! This is YOUR time! Feel your way.. Like with your horses, feel your way through it, find your stride! You r so strong. You will find it in you to make it wonderful! Your fb friend, Renee

Deanna said...

I'm so sorry for you loss and the anniversary coming up. That is hard.
You have a good attitude. Bless you!!

You GO girl!!

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine your emotions of the last year, but as far as traveling alone, I started doing it a few years back (I'm 32) and I love it. Eat where I want to eat, see what I want to see, make my own itinerary. Wandering the streets of a strange city by myself has a certain feel of independence to it. Now traveling with others isn't as enjoyable. I prefer to do it on my own. I love it. Enjoy your time :)

mrscravitz said...

Good luck Jill! I know from experience that traveling alone is lonely, yet quiet and peaceful, and scary sometimes. You are brave, and have courage. You won't be alone in spirit.....Take the time to explore life! Visit the ocean, the waters are always soul rewarding.....Be thinking about you!

Catsbs said...

What a wonderful post this is! I wish you a the Very best in your travels and self discovery. We all hit times we have to venture out of our comfort zone and take new adventures so Bravo to you for going and embarking on new adventures. Best warm wishes!

kim said...

hay jill im with you every step of the way as is tony giving you the strength to take this new turn in your life when things get hard and you feel like theirs no one out their just turn to fb and we will all be here for you with love and encouragement xx hugs from kim alexandra your fb friend in the uk

Emily VandenBerg said...

“Life is a fatal adventure. It can only have one end. So why not make it as far-ranging and free as possible?” ~Alexander Eliot

Kelly, Tom and girls

trav4adventures said...

I agree. What a wonderful post. At times, we all have to travel alone. Enjoy your trip! I love all the history in D.C.

RRaffanti said...

Jill, if you haven't already seen it, see the Disney/Pixar animated movie, "UP". Rent the DVD. There is a message for you there, toward the end of the movie.

Rita Taddeucci Raffanti

Bonnie B. said...

Way to go Jill. Tony would want you to live life and love living. Jederman has brought you back to your competitive days. You're tough, kind, strong, and have a wonderful heart. Enjoy your journey, explore history, and please share your wondrous moments with us. Your Friend in Florida,
Bonnie B.

Found art blog said...

I've always travelled alone since I was about 18 and always found it exhilarating. It's quite amazing to find out how much you can achieve all on your own. (the two most important words in that last sentence - YOU CAN!!!!)